Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Thoughts on being on my own again...
After 12 years of soaking in a comfortable, albeit not really happy relationship, we have parted company. He topped it off by having a serious heart attack within a month. It will require open-heart surgery to replace blocked arteries with veins from the legs. I offered to let him convalesce in my home. Whether he takes me up on that is another story. As it was, when he went into the hospital he told his daughter not to call me.
I am managing ok. I am getting adequate exercise to fight off any depression or stress. Mowing the lawn is a bit of a hassle, but pushing the gas mower where I cannot get the tractor is good exercise. For the next few weeks, I am taking an aquacise class with a workmate. We are becoming friends. Keeping the weeds down and getting rid of poison ivy is much harder! But that was always my job. The house is easier to keep clean, there is less trash to take out, and meals are a breeze. I clean the cat's litter box most days and that makes trash day much easier and is better for the cat.
Since the breakup it seems like so much is breaking in the house! Or perhaps it is that I am getting broken things fixed. I replaced both garage door openers, had the plumber fix a leak in the guest bathroom sink, serviced the tractor, bought new tires for the Lincoln, bought a heavy plastic canopy for the plow and bucket, had the mailbox replaced, and had a dog door put in the pool room into the kennel. Today, the fireplace guy is coming to check out the propane fireplace insert. And last night during the heavy downpour, water just gushed into the basement. The vacuum cleaner doesn't push well and keeps clogging up. The yearly checkup on the vacuum isn't until August. The dog knocked red wine onto the carpet. It did not clean up well. Oh well, the pride of home ownership. I do love having my private park right outside my door though!
I am trying to do some reading on Kabbalah. The spirituality it expresses matches ideas that I have come to believe over the years -- reincarnation, life on earth is a learning experience, our souls are eternal and live on after the body dies, egotism and pride are major blocks to spiritual growth, giving to please the Creator, not our ego, is a path to spiritual growth, suffering is a path to spiritual growth because it reduces egotism and pride, the goal of spirituality is to become one with the Creator...It is heavy reading and so far it seems to keep repeating itself. I think each repetition gets more detailed though. The How-To has not yet been expressed.
I have decided to cut out as much bread and cereal as I can. My blood sugar is up. I have replaced Jimmy Dean D-Lights with egg whites, non-fat milk, low-fat Swiss cheese and lean ham omelets. I think that it is cheaper. Jimmy Dean is $1.50 a sandwich and I was eating two. It is hard to resist making the toast, but once I have finished my huge omelet and orange juice and tea, I am quite full. I will experiment with different spices. I think I was addicted to the turkey sausage spices in the Jimmy Dean D-Lights. Maybe I can buy sausage spices.
I am not lonely. I have two suitors, plus my ex. Then there are my Second Life friends and my brother and few cousins. The three day Memorial Day holiday was a bit lonely, but I enjoyed the rest on Sunday and Monday after the very active Saturday. The weekend weather was just glorious. On Saturday, I cleaned up some areas of the yard with the gas mower. Ron stopped by as he had to fly up because he left his medicine at Kimberly's. Then Barry came to visit and we went to the Artsfest and lunch down by the river. Later we had a steak and salad dinner and played some chess. It was nice day.
George has been calling me just about every day. I enjoy that. We will probably see each other next Tuesday when he gets back from Virginia Beach and then his mother's. He has a busy life traveling around as he is retired. I believe he is quite taken with me. I like him too.
Since his heart attack, Ron and I have been talking more with one another. He needs a friend right now, so I want to be there for him.
Monday, I had lunch with Diane A. and her mother. She is selling Arbonne International stuff and I want to help her out. I am going to go to an informational meeting next week with her. Diane says she lost 25 pounds and her blood sugar has dropped since she started the Arbonne diet. It might be good stuff for me too.
There also was the wonderful weekend with Carol on May 16 - 18 when we went to Brigantine Island next to Atlantic City in NJ. We walked and walked along the beach, talked and chatted up a storm. We enjoyed a bottle of wine on Friday and then again on Saturday night and had a great spaghetti dinner on Sunday. Her family was quite concerned about her and called and called her on the cell phone. I felt unloved!
All in all, I was soaking in a relationship, but isolating myself from others. The breakup is sad, but perhaps for the better. I feel my life expanding in many directions. Where it will lead are future entries.
Rosalind 9:36 AM
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