Friday, April 23, 2010
She stood at the door looking at the sleeping man, curled up under the covers like a little boy. Only his bald head gave him away. Should she wake him to start the weekend at an early hour or let him sleep in? He had a strong penchant to sleep his life away.
She turned from the door and made her way into the kitchen to toast a bagel and make some tea. The cat meowed persistently for his breakfast. Peace! He was gobbling the food as if he had never eaten before. She turned on the kitchen television. The toaster popped and she cut some cheese to put on top of the bagel and placed it in the microwave for a minute to melt the cheese. Delicious! She was gobbling the bagel and cheese as if she had never eaten before. The soup bowl sized decaffeinated green tea with a sprinkling of cinnamon cleared her system for the day. She arose from the kitchen table, put the dishes in the sink, turned off the television and moved into the family room to lie on the couch and watch some more television. She had a strong penchant to waste her life watching television. Soon she was asleep.
He woke her just by standing over her watching her. The dog wagged her tail, ready to go out the sliding glass door for her morning tour of the park-like yard. Saturday morning had finally started. She stretched lazily and reached up to him for a morning kiss. He placed his right knee on the floor next to the couch, leaned over and gently kissed her mouth.
“Where’s my coffee?” he jokingly asked. He loved his coffee and she got up on weekdays to brew him a fresh pot for work. On weekends, he was on his own, especially if he slept in. It was her subtle way of saying she was unhappy that he had slept so late.
This was her fourth long-term live-in relationship. She was easy to get along with most of time, occasionally flaring up in a temper over some little thing. It blew over quickly but could do long-term damage if the mate was not forgiving. This man was, so the relationship was functional although the bloom of fresh love had worn off and sex was a bit tedious to her. He wasn’t overly demanding though and that made it livable.
She was trying to make a commitment but the money differential between them made it difficult. He had almost nothing except his job. His work as a welder was physically demanding. He would have to retire at 62, so his social security would be small and he had very little other savings except what he was stashing way by living with her. At times she highly resented the way he spent her money. He also was a bit lazy and the honey-do list was always long and resented by him.
She also loved her independence and freedom. A man in her life was a must as she would be lonely a good deal of the time as friends were few and really good friends non-existent. She had no family in the area and very little interaction with distant family. Also, the house and yard were large and demanded much attention. She definitely needed help. But she didn’t want to be bossed around. Men, in general, liked to be the boss.
These four were the roots of the problems between them: boring sex, money differential, his resentment of household tasks and her desire for independence and freedom. Could they be overcome and a loving, long-lasting relationship develop? What kind of give and take would be necessary to make it work?
Meanwhile, she tried to live in the present, to enjoy each moment as it came, to savor the flavor of the day, to appreciate the gift of life. She tried not to obsess over her difficulties as they were minor in many ways. She went to work each day, walked at break and lunchtime, had personal training two days a week, took care of bills and financial obligations, tried to keep the house clean and neat and attempted to keep up with the many projects that a large house and yard presented
Her work life was unsatisfying, but it was a job and promised a good retirement as well as provided a hefty salary with good benefits. She had only approximately 1150 days of work left before her planned retirement in 5/1/2015. She hoped to make it through.
In contrast, one of her friends had just been laid off. At 63 and overweight with health problems, things didn’t look promising. A colleague had lost her best friend to cancer and had a major illness herself. Then her daughter was diagnosed with life-threatening cancer and her grandson had just had a nasty bicycle accident and smashed up his face, groin and arm. Now the prospect of taking care of two young grandchildren and a teen-age grandson loomed on the horizon for her. Yes, her friends’ problems were serious, hers were minor.
She had been looking forward to her trip to Albuquerque to see her granddaughter. But her former daughter-in-law decided to see the Dali Lama in NYC that weekend. She was more than disappointed. As the other grandparents were babysitting while the mother went off to NYC, she would have a chance to see her granddaughter on Saturday if the other grandmother brought her into town and they visited the Albuquerque zoo. She planned to stay at a motel in Albuquerque and to leave for Arizona the next morning.
Her son was not speaking to her and did not want to see her. That hurt but was something that she had to accept as she really didn’t think that he was mentally balanced and could hurt her physically.
The promise was to stay with the former in-laws on her way back home. It would be a good opportunity to get to know her 2 ½ year old granddaughter. She still wasn’t sure what she would do. All she knew was that she had reservations at a ranch in Arizona and she was heading out that way for two weeks. Would she travel to LA to visit a cousin and to touch base with the doctor who had performed an operation on her 3 years ago? Go to the Grand Canyon? Would she visit the Biodome in Tucson, Meteor Crater, horseback ride, laze around at the pool, read? She planned to take lots of pictures and share them on Facebook. The vacation stretched out enticingly before her and she luxuriated in her anticipation.
Yes, she was the eternal optimist, always looking for best in a situation and it helped her survive and enjoy the varieties of experience that came with each new happening. There was hope.
Rosalind 4:13 PM
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