Written 12/10/2012
No news on who I am. Still intelligent, fairly healthy, strong – but I lose my balance, get leg cramps. How will I age? Will this long trip be my last?
I am looking forward to “My Big Adventure”. I will be visiting relatives and friends. But what does it mean? Will I find out more of who I am? What am I made of? What is my purpose?
This earth, just a tiny spot in the universe, brimming with intelligent animals who are questioning existence and its meaning. I am a speck among the myriads. I have no answers, sometimes not even any questions. Is there a spiritual realm? What are Dark Matter and Dark Energy? How does the infinitesimal creation and destruction of tiny particles/waves give rise to a living organism that can shape its environment to some extent?
Will humankind venture into space to ensure continuity of our species and other species of our planet? Are we alone?
On a much smaller note, what will my having lived mean? Am I making the best use of my time that is left?
I do believe that my spiritual quest involves connecting my inner spirituality to the outer spirituality to gain the energy to love and do good, and to have another way of knowing. Yet, often, it is an empty exercise, the connection just a gossamer thread that lacks a reality and is distanced from ordinary living.
To make that connection, do I need to find a more active outlet in good works, or is being a money maker and giver enough? I do get lost in the busy-ness of ordinary life - eating, sleeping, healthful living, working, finding companionship, keeping up connections with family and friends, chores…In some ways, it is too selfish. Perhaps the problem lies here. But is there more of me to give?
Part of this “Big Adventure” will be a time for reflection, contemplation and prayer. I need to connect to my inner core and to that outer power. I will journal, take pictures, document my personal retreat. I will look for meaning, hidden truths, subtle changes, whispers from who-knows-where.
Rosalind 8:49 AM
