Monday, September 15, 2003
My son’s thirtieth birthday has come and gone. He was in Nevada working on a new internet project so I didn’t even get a chance to wish him a happy birthday. I called him last night just as he was boarding a plane to go home so I really couldn’t even talk to him then
Hurricane Isabel has it sights on central Pennsylvania according to one of the local news stations. We tried the generator yesterday and it doesn’t start. I called a few electricians and then a generator company. They want $82 per hour for someone to come out and look at it! Things are getting ridiculous. It makes sense only to get things new and throw them away once it breaks! In any case, I hope there is not much damage and destruction. I will keep an eye on the latest storm track.
The weekend was relaxing. I ringed the old oak tree and fertilized it a bit more. Only one third left to go; then the other one. That is if they survive the coming storm! We ate at the Mexican restaurant on Friday and went to see the second Lara Croft movie with Angela Jolie on Saturday at a second run theater. I thought it was fun, but too much fantasy for Ron. I spent some time playing my new game – Schizm. I finally had to get a hint from the internet, but then got stuck again. But I will give it a few days before getting another hint. I like Tropico much better, but now I am caught up in this game a bit. So much for my goals! I spent far too much time playing computer games again!
Kimberly appeared to have a nice weekend with Brandi at Wildwood. She came home very happy. I woke up late this morning and she had already left for school. I was late for work. The dogs are upset because I put the invisible fence collar back on Christopher. He looked very sheepish this morning when I let him in. I suppose he would have disappeared if the collar weren’t on. Although Barkus doesn’t have a collar on he is very wary.
Bruce and Mary are coming here for Thanksgiving. That will be a good time. See I did something toward working on my goals! But I didn’t exercise at all last week except for walking. I will get back into it this week – tonight! I have to pay bills too -- so much to do. Do I have a life?
Oh, I bought a book by one of the psychics who claim to be aware of spirits on other planes of existence. I didn’t get very far into the reading. Will keep you informed!
Yikes, the California vote is on hold. Jen and Ben break up!
Rosalind 4:14 PM
Friday, September 12, 2003
I miss my Instant Messenger friend. But we were abusing the system a bit. Yesterday I felt quite a bit better after chatting with him. I was discussing my lack of follow-through on projects and my sense of purposelessness. But the outcome, even though I lost my chat buddy, is that I am more determined to make better use of my time. I have to break this feeling of inner confusion when it comes to setting goals and completing projects.
Goals:
1. Enhance my relationship with Ron, Kimberly, Ray, Bruce, Susan, Diane, Harriet, Aniece, Norma
2. Keep in touch with old friends – Carol, Fariha, Diane, Lynn
3. Attempt to find new friends.
4. Find a spiritual growth group!
5. Keep working on weight and exercise program.
6. Take more pictures and publish them to the web.
7. Document my life -- as uninteresting as it may seem to others. Blog it! Keep file copies.
8. Review my Spanish and start learning anew.
9. Get my online stock account opened and start using my stock analyzer program.
10. Get involved in the local Democratic Party.
Rosalind 10:49 AM
Thursday, September 11, 2003
She often puzzled over how others perceived her. Growing up in an isolated fashion had stunted her social sense and had caused much pain over the years. Through many painful experiences she had learned to be wary of the group and its hate mentality. She exercised a self-isolation now. It was far better to be alone than the target of the group.
But still at times, she longed for the warmth of healthy companionship. Someone with whom to laugh, cry, fight, share, discuss, ponder, bitch, whine, explore… But there were always such strings attached, so much pain that went with the warmth. It simply was better to stick with the internet, computer games, her dogs and cat and TV. Her evenings usually went quickly, even staying awake until 1:00 in the morning because she didn’t want to lose precious moments to sleep.
Always harassing though, was the sense of purposelessness. Why was she here? What was she supposed to be doing with her time? She had tried volunteerism but that too had been a painful experience. She was not a player at work, not into organized religion. A horrible skin rash had followed her attempt to be a better steward of her yard.
A few years back she had taken two Spanish courses at the community college. Now she began to center on her health, losing weight, exercising regularly. She marked off her time at work studiously, sometimes counting the hours in 15 minute intervals. She savored her outside time, warming sunshine, massaging breezes, soothing colors of green leaves against a blue sky, calming sounds of insects and birds. That was on the good weather days of course. But even now that was tempered by the fear of insect bites. She really didn’t know what caused the skin rash. Perhaps it was just emotional isolation?
What was the meaning of life? How did she grow closer to her higher power? Nag, nag, nag. It was worse than the nag screens on a shareware computer game. It was internal, ceaseless except in moments of diversion. She was very thankful not to be suffering from war, starvation, privation as in so many others in the world did. But was her spiritual stagnation, her isolation a form of privation? How could she break out?
If you have any answers to my dilemma, please go to my website and contact me! Help!!
Rosalind 9:42 AM
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