Friday, April 23, 2010
She stood at the door looking at the sleeping man, curled up under the covers like a little boy. Only his bald head gave him away. Should she wake him to start the weekend at an early hour or let him sleep in? He had a strong penchant to sleep his life away.
She turned from the door and made her way into the kitchen to toast a bagel and make some tea. The cat meowed persistently for his breakfast. Peace! He was gobbling the food as if he had never eaten before. She turned on the kitchen television. The toaster popped and she cut some cheese to put on top of the bagel and placed it in the microwave for a minute to melt the cheese. Delicious! She was gobbling the bagel and cheese as if she had never eaten before. The soup bowl sized decaffeinated green tea with a sprinkling of cinnamon cleared her system for the day. She arose from the kitchen table, put the dishes in the sink, turned off the television and moved into the family room to lie on the couch and watch some more television. She had a strong penchant to waste her life watching television. Soon she was asleep.
He woke her just by standing over her watching her. The dog wagged her tail, ready to go out the sliding glass door for her morning tour of the park-like yard. Saturday morning had finally started. She stretched lazily and reached up to him for a morning kiss. He placed his right knee on the floor next to the couch, leaned over and gently kissed her mouth.
“Where’s my coffee?” he jokingly asked. He loved his coffee and she got up on weekdays to brew him a fresh pot for work. On weekends, he was on his own, especially if he slept in. It was her subtle way of saying she was unhappy that he had slept so late.
This was her fourth long-term live-in relationship. She was easy to get along with most of time, occasionally flaring up in a temper over some little thing. It blew over quickly but could do long-term damage if the mate was not forgiving. This man was, so the relationship was functional although the bloom of fresh love had worn off and sex was a bit tedious to her. He wasn’t overly demanding though and that made it livable.
She was trying to make a commitment but the money differential between them made it difficult. He had almost nothing except his job. His work as a welder was physically demanding. He would have to retire at 62, so his social security would be small and he had very little other savings except what he was stashing way by living with her. At times she highly resented the way he spent her money. He also was a bit lazy and the honey-do list was always long and resented by him.
She also loved her independence and freedom. A man in her life was a must as she would be lonely a good deal of the time as friends were few and really good friends non-existent. She had no family in the area and very little interaction with distant family. Also, the house and yard were large and demanded much attention. She definitely needed help. But she didn’t want to be bossed around. Men, in general, liked to be the boss.
These four were the roots of the problems between them: boring sex, money differential, his resentment of household tasks and her desire for independence and freedom. Could they be overcome and a loving, long-lasting relationship develop? What kind of give and take would be necessary to make it work?
Meanwhile, she tried to live in the present, to enjoy each moment as it came, to savor the flavor of the day, to appreciate the gift of life. She tried not to obsess over her difficulties as they were minor in many ways. She went to work each day, walked at break and lunchtime, had personal training two days a week, took care of bills and financial obligations, tried to keep the house clean and neat and attempted to keep up with the many projects that a large house and yard presented
Her work life was unsatisfying, but it was a job and promised a good retirement as well as provided a hefty salary with good benefits. She had only approximately 1150 days of work left before her planned retirement in 5/1/2015. She hoped to make it through.
In contrast, one of her friends had just been laid off. At 63 and overweight with health problems, things didn’t look promising. A colleague had lost her best friend to cancer and had a major illness herself. Then her daughter was diagnosed with life-threatening cancer and her grandson had just had a nasty bicycle accident and smashed up his face, groin and arm. Now the prospect of taking care of two young grandchildren and a teen-age grandson loomed on the horizon for her. Yes, her friends’ problems were serious, hers were minor.
She had been looking forward to her trip to Albuquerque to see her granddaughter. But her former daughter-in-law decided to see the Dali Lama in NYC that weekend. She was more than disappointed. As the other grandparents were babysitting while the mother went off to NYC, she would have a chance to see her granddaughter on Saturday if the other grandmother brought her into town and they visited the Albuquerque zoo. She planned to stay at a motel in Albuquerque and to leave for Arizona the next morning.
Her son was not speaking to her and did not want to see her. That hurt but was something that she had to accept as she really didn’t think that he was mentally balanced and could hurt her physically.
The promise was to stay with the former in-laws on her way back home. It would be a good opportunity to get to know her 2 ½ year old granddaughter. She still wasn’t sure what she would do. All she knew was that she had reservations at a ranch in Arizona and she was heading out that way for two weeks. Would she travel to LA to visit a cousin and to touch base with the doctor who had performed an operation on her 3 years ago? Go to the Grand Canyon? Would she visit the Biodome in Tucson, Meteor Crater, horseback ride, laze around at the pool, read? She planned to take lots of pictures and share them on Facebook. The vacation stretched out enticingly before her and she luxuriated in her anticipation.
Yes, she was the eternal optimist, always looking for best in a situation and it helped her survive and enjoy the varieties of experience that came with each new happening. There was hope.
Rosalind 4:13 PM
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I haven't blogged for a long time now. What issues are impacting my life?
I think the biggest issues are:
1. When to retire
2. When and if I want to make a monetary commitment to Mike
3. Do I want to keep the house and spend more money on it
4. Do I want to keep my present job
All are intertwined. Getting a new job in the area of my home is difficult. If I move will Mike come along? Or should I just pluck out the next 5 years at my current location and retire in 2015? That, of course, is if they keep me that long!
How would I fare if Mike and I broke up? I think that I would miss him more than I dare to think about.
The dog and cat are also a consideration. Both are getting older and is it fair to move them to strange place that probably will be less comforable for them. They both love their little park! Me too!
The yard is quite a bit of work as is all the remodeling that I am doing in the house right now. There is still much high priced work to get done:
1. New ceilings in the family room
2. Painting new ceilings
3. Hang fan from dining room in family room
4. New chandelier for dining room
5. The four season room
6. New ceilings and walls in the bedroom
7. Painting new ceilings and walls in bedroom
8. New king size mattress for bedroom and setting up bed
9. The roof
10. The driveway
11. Cutting down 3 trees
12. Adding a shower to the guest bathroom, tile floor
13. Fixing up the laundry room
14. Remodeling the kitchen, new cabinets or painting, tile floor
15. New front doors and storm doors
16. Removing wallpaper in living room
17. Painting inside of house
18. Hardwood floors in living, dining, den, hallway
19. Fix up garage
20. Fix up sheds
21. Landscaping - big time
22. Electrical work
23. Sideboard for dining room
For right now, I will keep plugging along with no big changes. I will see how long and far that gets me.
I am meeing Diane A. for lunch today. She was just laid off. She seems well adjusted to it and it will be a chance for her to spend more time with her mother.
Carol R. stopped by to see me at lunchtime. Her daughter was along with her. The daughter had her house sold, or so she thought, put all her stuff in storage and was planning to move in with her boyfriend. She and her boyfriend broke up, and the buyer got out of the sale at the last walkthrough. Now she is living with her parents with a week's worth of clothing!
All can change in the blink of an eye. Best to keep marching forward and hope all stays steady. I am just not willing to risk so much at this stage in my life. Hold course, steady as she goes!
Rosalind 10:54 AM
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